Thursday, December 5, 2019

Butt Rock is back, baby!

"The Stadium Tour" was just announced a few days ago after weeks of speculation thanks to new Black Crowes' manager (I use the term "Black Crowes" loosely...) Mark Didia, who spilled the beans on the Live Nation venture a little too early.

Joan Jett & the Black Hearts, Poison, Def Leppard and Mötley Crüe. Here we are. Hairspray, mascara, bandanas, ugly pink guitars and sophomoric songs about strippers and cocaine are bankable again.

All of us who grew up on that shit now have the money to pile up in a shitty stadium, park our fat asses in a seat, buy overpriced beer and watch for several hours a bunch of sixty-somethings recreating the soundtrack to our youth with the help of a lot of backing tapes.

Nostalgia, ain't it great? I'm not being sarcastic. Thanks to the business of nostalgia, I saw bands I never imagined I'd see. The Stooges. The Police. An acceptable iteration of Fleetwood Mac. And countless others.

Some people are pissed that Mötley Crüe reunited a mere four years after they so publicly broke up and signed "a binding contract" which stipulated that they would never tour again. A document that anyone who has even a passing knowledge of the law knows was nothing but a PR stunt. Still, even the more cynical rock fans thought they'd wait at least ten years. Which begs the question, why would fans of a band be pissed off at another chance to see them? Actually, I get it. I flew to Birmingham to see Black Sabbath's last concert, allegedly. What we all felt was a historic moment would lose all to its importance if (when) they decide to reunite.

Thankfully for all of 80's Pop Metal fans,  Live Nation and the big bucks came calling. If they managed to get Axl to play with Slash and Duff again, they can do anything. Get ready for them to reunite Led Zeppelin. Or get the Rolling Stones, the Who and Paul McCartney (with Ringo) to tour together. And I welcome it all!

(While we're on the subject, check out our Glam Metal Playlist HERE)

The most staggering thing about it is that a genre that we thought had no shelf life is coming back in such a big way. Hair Metal, Cock Rock, call it whatever you want, produced quite a number of hits in the eighties. But who knew that in 2020 we'd be looking back at it so fondly? Who knew these songs, these bands, would enjoy such legitimacy? Who knew they'd be considered classics? Who expected fluff like Pour Some Sugar On Me, Look What The Cat Dragged In or Girls, Girls, Girls to resonate not only with the people who suffered through that era but also with their kids? I sure as hell didn't.

The Mötley Crüe movie was garbage. Especially compared to the book, which remains one of the best rock biographies ever written, regardless of the low esteem you or I might hold for the subject. The Def Leppard made for TV movie was just that: a made for TV movie. Total tripe. An embarrassment. Even Joan Jett was portrayed on film in The Runaways movie from a few years back... which leaves Poison as the only band on that bill without a movie. Maybe they're working on it? I shudder at the prospect of such an abomination...

The real scam here isn't that Mötley Crüe has rescinded on their word and decided to tour again. The real scam is that they, like Def Leppard, are famously using backing tapes as part of their show. Not just a little. Not just to help thicken their sound. But A LOT. Joe Elliott's vocals are often completely piped in. And Nikki Sixx' bass is probably not even plugged in.

And yet despite all that, 45 year-olds all over America are going to get babysitters for the kids, tailgate fro a couple of hours, get drunker than they've been in a decade and yell out "Don't Stop Believin'!!!" when Def Leppard hits the stage*. And the sad thing about this is, I'll be probably among them.

*Yes, I am well aware that this is a Journey song. That's the joke.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Feel free to comment on this post: